1. |
Deacon's House
03:04
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Goddamn I found his picture.
I should have never searched for it.
And now I’m triggered.
And there ain’t no coming down from this.
Burnt grass in my teeth.
Tom Selleck on TV.
Staring at the ceiling.
No one can hear me.
Man he had such a killer stereo.
A full wall of giant speakers too.
So many knobs and buttons I just want to press them all.
I don’t remember what it sounds like though.
Cat tails in the weeds.
Dead kitten beneath.
Big bolt of lightning.
I promised Deacon Larry.
Goddamn his fucking picture.
I know better than to look for this shit.
And now I’m triggered.
And there ain't’ no coming down from this.
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2. |
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I’m not afraid
to admit that I was wrong
about everything.
Or maybe,
I was never saved at all
cause I grew up in a cult
Pour out the cup
of his blood
and mix it with the rest of us.
And get back on the cross
to bleed one out
for all the gatekeeping pieces of shit
who told us that we’d go to hell
for being different.
Hallelujah, I can’t wait
until their god raptures up them all.
Hallelujah
The end is coming.
Hallelujah
The end is coming.
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
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3. |
Therapy and Drugs
03:59
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It didn’t take much to make me collapse.
I’m unraveled now and I don’t think there is any coming back.
I found you dead on your apartment floor.
Just like in my dreams, like the times before.
But I’m ok
Cause I got therapy and drugs
and I got people giving me hugs
and doing nice things just because
I’m getting used to always being hungry.
Its how I’ve come to fucking deal with my grief.
And when you died a part of me died too,
I’ll always be in hell while heaven comforts you.
But I’m ok
Cause I got therapy and drugs
and I got people giving me hugs
and doing nice things just because
(I’m not ok when I drive by your empty apartment building and have to force myself to look away.)
I’m ok
(And I’m not ok when I close my eyes and see that you’re a lump under the sheet surrounded by empty prescription bottles.)
I’m ok
(And I’m not ok thinking about cleaning up after you and going through all your personal shit.)
I’m ok
(And I’m not ok pretending like everything’s ok because we all knew it was going to happen anyway. I’m not fucking ok)
I’m ok
Cause I got therapy and drugs
and I got people giving me hugs
and doing nice things just because
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4. |
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I’m fine and everything’s ok,
but I’m not ok with everything
and that’s alright
I’ll be fine.
I look for you in everything.
The clouds, the waves, and the goddamn dirt.
Please show me a sign
that any of this was worth it.
(and the heavens sang)
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck me
I remember when your blood turned green
And your world got really fucking small
Damn the codependency killed us all.
I remember in the hospital you saying
don’t worry, god has got this.
Well the god of your drug
is stronger than the god of your bible.
(and the heavens sang)
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck me
The drugs they fucked you
They fucked me
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck me
And I don’t know where to spread your ashes.
I was hoping you would let me know
where you
would like to rest.
|
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